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To the Minutemen
May. 12th, 2006 11:21 pmDear Minutemen,
I have heard much about your venerable group and the wonderful job it does, patrolling the US-Mexico border to keep those filthy starving Mexicans from stealing our fruit-picking and housecleaning jobs. You are truly doing God's work. I know I feel much safer knowing that my job scrubbing toilets will not be taken from me. I love my job very much, it certainly pays much better than the job I would have had otherwise: working fixing computers for a living. I shudder to think that I could have been wasting my life away in that hellish job, working for a slave's wages and barely being able to feed my 147 children and 23 wives. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
However, I am somewhat concerned. Sure, you're keeping us safe from those horrible Mexicans, but what about the other country we share a border with? Who is keeping our families and jobs safe from those slimy, uneducated Canadians?
It is honorable that you're so dedicated to keeping us safe from the Mexicans, but I would like to know if you have any plans to secure our other border. After all, we've all seen that the Canadians are as sneaky as the Mexicans. If your esteemed group had been focusing on Soviet Canuckistan as much as on Mexico, we could have spared America the horrors of people like Michael J. Fox, Dan Akroyd, John Candy, and Jim Carrey from corrupting our poor innocent children with their evil promises of their sinful Canadian way of life, what with their free health care, their... free health care, and their... well... um... free health care. Wait... why are they moving here again?
Yes! We're America, damn it, and we cannot let our children get into their heads dangerous ideas like that! If we did, our doctors would have to stop driving Lambhourginis and would be forced to have to debase themselves by driving BMWs... or worse: Cadillacs.
In short, I want to thank you again for your great work. I hope, after this letter, that you see my point and start sending volunteers up north to keep out the raging hordes of Canucks, the stinking white devils. In fact, I have an idea on how to solve two problems at once... deport illegally immigrating Mexicans to Canada, and illegally immigrating Canadians to Mexico! Brilliant, eh? Oops. Um... I swear I'm not a Canuck.
Sincerely;
---Alexander Antonin
I have heard much about your venerable group and the wonderful job it does, patrolling the US-Mexico border to keep those filthy starving Mexicans from stealing our fruit-picking and housecleaning jobs. You are truly doing God's work. I know I feel much safer knowing that my job scrubbing toilets will not be taken from me. I love my job very much, it certainly pays much better than the job I would have had otherwise: working fixing computers for a living. I shudder to think that I could have been wasting my life away in that hellish job, working for a slave's wages and barely being able to feed my 147 children and 23 wives. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
However, I am somewhat concerned. Sure, you're keeping us safe from those horrible Mexicans, but what about the other country we share a border with? Who is keeping our families and jobs safe from those slimy, uneducated Canadians?
It is honorable that you're so dedicated to keeping us safe from the Mexicans, but I would like to know if you have any plans to secure our other border. After all, we've all seen that the Canadians are as sneaky as the Mexicans. If your esteemed group had been focusing on Soviet Canuckistan as much as on Mexico, we could have spared America the horrors of people like Michael J. Fox, Dan Akroyd, John Candy, and Jim Carrey from corrupting our poor innocent children with their evil promises of their sinful Canadian way of life, what with their free health care, their... free health care, and their... well... um... free health care. Wait... why are they moving here again?
Yes! We're America, damn it, and we cannot let our children get into their heads dangerous ideas like that! If we did, our doctors would have to stop driving Lambhourginis and would be forced to have to debase themselves by driving BMWs... or worse: Cadillacs.
In short, I want to thank you again for your great work. I hope, after this letter, that you see my point and start sending volunteers up north to keep out the raging hordes of Canucks, the stinking white devils. In fact, I have an idea on how to solve two problems at once... deport illegally immigrating Mexicans to Canada, and illegally immigrating Canadians to Mexico! Brilliant, eh? Oops. Um... I swear I'm not a Canuck.
Sincerely;
---Alexander Antonin