Suck a fuck

Something I really fucking hate is corporations trying to get us to donate money to charity via them. Like, you are a multi-million dollar -- maybe even billion dollar -- corporation. If you want to donate to charity, then by all means use your millions or billions of dollars to fucking donate to charity you gods-damned money grubbing cowards. If I had the money to donate to charity, I fucking would, and I sure as fuck wouldn't do it through your fucking ass because I have no fucking interest in enabling your tax dodging bullshit. So stop asking me to donate to charity for you at the grocery store checkout, or in emails, or whatever and do it yourself you greedy virtue-signaling motherfuckers!

Prick it or ticket

If I were benevolent dictator of the world, vaccinations would be mandatory for everyone who didn't have a legitimate medical reason not to. Show us the proof you'd die or get sick from the vaccine or else if you refuse the vaccination, you get fined. First fine starts at $100. Multiplies by ten every time you refuse. But if you still refuse after the one million dollar fine, we'll send people into your house to drag you to the clinic to get your vaccination.

(Don't worry, they won't be armed. But if you attack them you get thrown in jail and given the vaccination while in jail.)

(Don't worry, my regime's jails will be nice places. And the law will be that if you manage to escape from prison, you'll be allowed to remain free. Unless of course you murdered multiple people.)

Stay hydrated, drink any fucking kind of beverage, literally all of them have water in them!

I keep seeing people posting about how they wish water tasted good so they could stay hydrated, or posts about products to flavor water for the same reason, and I'm just like:

Y'all know you can just drink tea, coffee, or soda pop, right?

"Ermagerd, but caffeine dehydrates you!"
The amount of caffeine you'd have to ingest to get dehydrated from caffeine would kill you from an overdose first.

"Ermagerd, but I always pee a lot when I drink caffeinated drinks!"
Yes, and the same is true if you drink a lot of water. Pee is made up mostly of water, after all.

"Ermagerd, but soda pop is baaaad for you!"
Well okay, it's not as good as tea or coffee, but it still has water in it. The problem with soda pop is the sugar and the sodium, not the caffeine. But even soda pop is better than being dehydrated.