![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
It always boggles my mind that vegans -- people known for not eating any animal products -- more often than not absolutely suck at making vegetables palatable. Like seriously, 59 out of every 60 vegan recipes that come to my attention look like someone took a diarrhea squat over a plate of cold vomit and called it food. Most of the vegan dishes I've tried which were made by vegans (as opposed to being made by normal people) also looked horrible, but even the ones that look good tend to taste like something poured out of a dumpster after letting it sit in the hot Arizona sun for a week.
I mean you would think that if the only thing you're eating is plant matter, that you would -- at some point -- learn how to cook fruits and veggies to make them appetizing, but in general I find that vegans cook like they've only just learned about vegetables and grains from a Martian that only studied the concept from a distance first. You could literally take random raw veggies and chop them up and put the mix into a feed bag and vegans would give the chef's kiss and eat the whole thing. And worse, doing that would taste 100 times better than most of these vegan "recipes."
And like, I may be a "gravemouth," but I'll readily admit that you don't need to use animal products or byproducts to make good food. I've had good food that was technically vegan but wasn't made by a vegan. Which is why it's so baffling to me that so few vegans seem to know how to make food that someone with functional taste buds and functioning eyes would be able to keep down, much less enjoy the flavor of. I have tasted plenty of things made by vegans because I'm a lot more polite in person than online due to my personality being suppressed by the others in my collective, and absolutely none of it I could eat more than a bite or two of it. At best, vegan-made vegan dishes taste like wet cardboard. At worst they taste like they're not fit for consumption by any kind of mammal, bird, or lizard -- food fit only for maggots and microorganisms.
Even their simpler recipes sound totally deranged, like "what sane person would ever eat that, unless they were starving so long that they would even eat dirt to survive?" I saw one on YouTube the other day that was just cooking carrots like they were hot dogs, and I'm watching this and thinking -- as someone who likes carrots -- that this video was made by someone who hates carrots, is trying to get you to hate carrots as well, while trying to pretend they love carrots, and fooling absolutely nobody in the process.
Truly, it is a mystery of the ages.
I mean you would think that if the only thing you're eating is plant matter, that you would -- at some point -- learn how to cook fruits and veggies to make them appetizing, but in general I find that vegans cook like they've only just learned about vegetables and grains from a Martian that only studied the concept from a distance first. You could literally take random raw veggies and chop them up and put the mix into a feed bag and vegans would give the chef's kiss and eat the whole thing. And worse, doing that would taste 100 times better than most of these vegan "recipes."
And like, I may be a "gravemouth," but I'll readily admit that you don't need to use animal products or byproducts to make good food. I've had good food that was technically vegan but wasn't made by a vegan. Which is why it's so baffling to me that so few vegans seem to know how to make food that someone with functional taste buds and functioning eyes would be able to keep down, much less enjoy the flavor of. I have tasted plenty of things made by vegans because I'm a lot more polite in person than online due to my personality being suppressed by the others in my collective, and absolutely none of it I could eat more than a bite or two of it. At best, vegan-made vegan dishes taste like wet cardboard. At worst they taste like they're not fit for consumption by any kind of mammal, bird, or lizard -- food fit only for maggots and microorganisms.
Even their simpler recipes sound totally deranged, like "what sane person would ever eat that, unless they were starving so long that they would even eat dirt to survive?" I saw one on YouTube the other day that was just cooking carrots like they were hot dogs, and I'm watching this and thinking -- as someone who likes carrots -- that this video was made by someone who hates carrots, is trying to get you to hate carrots as well, while trying to pretend they love carrots, and fooling absolutely nobody in the process.
Truly, it is a mystery of the ages.