Santa Claus is a sexual predator.

[alex_antonin]

He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good. He runs a sweatshop employing lots of little people. Everyone, this "Santa Claus" is a sexual predator! The "coal" he gives bad children is probably code for "Child Oral/Anal Lube," which is code for "be a good boy or girl, or Santa will have to molest you in the middle of the night." "Suzy, you've been a bad little girl. Time to touch Santa on the penis."

My apologies to the fat man. I just like being a smart ass.