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alex_antoninSome people with clinical depression feel like they hate themselves and they want to die. But me, I usually just get tired and lose interest in things. Though during my most acute bouts of depression, I generally hate everyone but myself and wish they would all die; my next thought is then a list of exceptions, people who are fellow "mutants." That, or I hate specific groups like Republicans, and wish they would all drop dead. (Don't worry, FBI; when I'm feeling murderous, I don't have the energy to do it. And when I have the energy, I no longer feel murderous.)
Because the thing is, I love myself. I love myself so much that even when I want it all to end, I wish it would all end in a way that keeps me alive. Hell, from my perspective, it makes perfect sense: I'm the only thing I really know. Why the blazing fuck should I give a shit about the opinions of others, as regards me? They don't know me; the only people anyone can really know is themselves. Their opinion of me, therefore, is about as meaningful to me as an ant's opinion of me.
Sure, I did attempt suicide a couple times, but that was then. I didn't love myself as much back then. I was a weirdo who didn't fit in with the mundanes, I kept getting picked on, and it bothered me. It didn't bother me enough to make me try to change, though. I instead mastered the art of invisibility, which in this context means I mastered the art of not being noticed.
Since then, I've changed. I no longer get picked on. I am still a weirdo, and - if anything - weirder than I used to be. I'm also goddamn proud of being a "mutant." Why would I want to be a cabbage, a leek, a zombie, a robot, or whatever term you want to use for those people who are slaves to the system, without a single original thought in their heads, without the faintest trace of true humanity? Those aren't people, not really. They're people enough that it would be wrong to kill them, even if it were legal. But they've given their humanity over to the slave-masters.
It's kinda funny, but mostly sad, that most of the idiots who bang on about selling your soul to Satan have long since given their soul to the slave-masters for free.
But yeah, I work on being noticed again, on speaking my mind... at least among my fellow mutants. Mundanes... I couldn't give half a shit what a mundane thinks. Damn muggles.
So yeah, not everyone who's depressed fits the same pattern.
Because the thing is, I love myself. I love myself so much that even when I want it all to end, I wish it would all end in a way that keeps me alive. Hell, from my perspective, it makes perfect sense: I'm the only thing I really know. Why the blazing fuck should I give a shit about the opinions of others, as regards me? They don't know me; the only people anyone can really know is themselves. Their opinion of me, therefore, is about as meaningful to me as an ant's opinion of me.
Sure, I did attempt suicide a couple times, but that was then. I didn't love myself as much back then. I was a weirdo who didn't fit in with the mundanes, I kept getting picked on, and it bothered me. It didn't bother me enough to make me try to change, though. I instead mastered the art of invisibility, which in this context means I mastered the art of not being noticed.
Since then, I've changed. I no longer get picked on. I am still a weirdo, and - if anything - weirder than I used to be. I'm also goddamn proud of being a "mutant." Why would I want to be a cabbage, a leek, a zombie, a robot, or whatever term you want to use for those people who are slaves to the system, without a single original thought in their heads, without the faintest trace of true humanity? Those aren't people, not really. They're people enough that it would be wrong to kill them, even if it were legal. But they've given their humanity over to the slave-masters.
It's kinda funny, but mostly sad, that most of the idiots who bang on about selling your soul to Satan have long since given their soul to the slave-masters for free.
But yeah, I work on being noticed again, on speaking my mind... at least among my fellow mutants. Mundanes... I couldn't give half a shit what a mundane thinks. Damn muggles.
So yeah, not everyone who's depressed fits the same pattern.