⛧ First Church of Hypocrisy, Blasphemy, and Self-Righteousness ⛧

This post is about my Discordian Cabal, The First Church of Hypocrisy, Blasphemy, and Self-Righteousness. AKA "The first honest religion in the history of the universe." Here are the rules of that prestigious institution:

Motto = "Do as I say, not as I do."

The Rules

1. Do as I say, not as I do. In other words, behave as I tell you to behave, not as I actually behave.

2. Hypocrisy is sacred, as is Blasphemy. So go ahead and break rule number one. In fact:

3. Rules are meant to be broken. After all, they're just noises people make, they only have power because people give them power. So go on ahead and do whatever the hell you want to; everyone else does. Just don't get caught. (See rules 11 through 15)

4. Nothing that a member of The First Church of Hypocrisy, Blasphemy, and Self-Righteousness (hereon known as The FiCoHyBaSeR) says can be held against then, ever. If someone doesn't like something you said, tell them they took it out of context. Which they did, if you think about it: can they read your mind? No they can't! So maybe you didn't say everything you meant to. Tell them this, and explain what you "really meant." Tell them whatever it takes.

5. Statistics can be used to confuse your enemies and change peoples minds. Especially if those statistics are false.

6. Only elitist bastards ask you to cite sources. Use the next rule against them:

7. If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.

8. People are swayed by emotions. Master the power of connotation. Don't say "mildly obese gentleman" when you can say "fat bastard," if attacking an opponent. Learn from politicians! Don't call it a "war," call it "liberation." Use words that make people feel good, if you want them swayed to your way of thinking. Use words that make people feel icky if you want them to disagree with your opponent. This is also called "spin."

9. When all else fails, fight dirty. Sling mud, hurl insults. You get bonus points for cleverness, subtlety, and originality.

10. Everyone is going to Hell, no matter how good or bad they are. Hell is actually a nicer place than Earth.

11. If you have your own personal moral ethic and want to go by that, that's fine. For example, it is against my own personal ethic to steal. And I certainly disagree with stealing from the poor. If I *were* to steal, I would steal from the rich.

12. Never do anything illegal if you're not clever enough to do it without getting caught. Me, I am clever in many ways, but insofar as illegal activities are concerned, I am not clever enough to avoid getting caught. That and my personal moral ethic keep me from committing theft, fraud, assault, murder, rape, drunk driving, etc. Speeding? Well, I don't have a car. Drugs? No interest. Treason? Nope. I love this country, even if I do hate the dick heads in charge and most of the people who live here.

13. Any crime that involves hurting or stealing from other people will get you caught. The only exception to this is if you're in a position of power.

14. Know your limitations; before you exceed your limitations, figure out if the reward is worth the risk.

15. Get a sense of humor, and learn how to recognize a joke when you see one. Laugh at the fucking jokes already.