![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Oranges: more trouble than they're worth
Mar. 21st, 2016 12:44 amOranges (and other citrus fruits) are seriously one of the most difficult fruits to eat. First you have to get past the peel, because it's technically edible but tastes like failure and despair. And getting into one is not easy. You have to basically use a knife, because if you try to use your fingernails, then you get little pieces of orange zest stuck under your fingernails like red-hot nails from the Inquisition, and it takes as long as a week for that shit to work its way out from under your nails.
Then even when you've peeled it, there's that disgusting white shit on the outside, all stringy and weird, you can never get rid of it all, short of somehow cutting that side of the orange off, but if that's possible I've never seen it done.
And then if you're lucky the rest is mostly edible as long as you avoid the seeds. But if you're NOT lucky, then you bite into it and chew and chew and chew and it just grows in your mouth; you try to swallow, and can't, so you have to spit it out. At that point, it would have been easier and more satisfying to just drink pulpy orange juice.
Seriously, the only fruit that even approaches the citrus fruits in difficulty of eating it is the pomegranate, which you peel and then what? First time I ate one, I bit into a bit of it and it was crunchy. Which is supposedly how you're meant to eat it, but fuck that business, the texture is like a sandpaper dildo wrapped in a thin layer of fruit flesh fucking my mouth and throat. Instead I grabbed the pointy end and peeled the fruit off the seeds with my teeth. Took me three hours to get through half a pomegranate that way. Fuck that bullshit.
I can't stand watermelon, either, because it just tastes like textured sugar water to me, I can't stand the texture either, and the seedless kinds are not actually seedless; those little white seeds are just as annoying as the black ones. Worse, even; at least you can see the black ones. Anyway, at least watermelon you saw open and then eat the pink part. Simple!
But yeah, oranges. At least coconuts (YUCK!) you crack open and dig out the flesh. Oh yeah, and I guess pineapple, but you can just cut that. Cut an orange up, and you still have to contend with the seeds and the chewy shit you can't swallow. So yeah, fuck oranges man, just FUCK em.
Then even when you've peeled it, there's that disgusting white shit on the outside, all stringy and weird, you can never get rid of it all, short of somehow cutting that side of the orange off, but if that's possible I've never seen it done.
And then if you're lucky the rest is mostly edible as long as you avoid the seeds. But if you're NOT lucky, then you bite into it and chew and chew and chew and it just grows in your mouth; you try to swallow, and can't, so you have to spit it out. At that point, it would have been easier and more satisfying to just drink pulpy orange juice.
Seriously, the only fruit that even approaches the citrus fruits in difficulty of eating it is the pomegranate, which you peel and then what? First time I ate one, I bit into a bit of it and it was crunchy. Which is supposedly how you're meant to eat it, but fuck that business, the texture is like a sandpaper dildo wrapped in a thin layer of fruit flesh fucking my mouth and throat. Instead I grabbed the pointy end and peeled the fruit off the seeds with my teeth. Took me three hours to get through half a pomegranate that way. Fuck that bullshit.
I can't stand watermelon, either, because it just tastes like textured sugar water to me, I can't stand the texture either, and the seedless kinds are not actually seedless; those little white seeds are just as annoying as the black ones. Worse, even; at least you can see the black ones. Anyway, at least watermelon you saw open and then eat the pink part. Simple!
But yeah, oranges. At least coconuts (YUCK!) you crack open and dig out the flesh. Oh yeah, and I guess pineapple, but you can just cut that. Cut an orange up, and you still have to contend with the seeds and the chewy shit you can't swallow. So yeah, fuck oranges man, just FUCK em.
