⛧ First Church of Hypocrisy, Blasphemy, and Self-Righteousness ⛧

So on Tumblr there was this link, which honestly I thought was a satire at first. But it's not. Apparently, it really is true that in Canada, someone with a deadly infectious blood-borne disease can legally get a job as a cook. Like, how the fucking hell is that even legal? In the US, if you have so much as a cold, the law says you have to go home, but apparently everyone in Canada is fucking suicidal or some shit, because they're letting people known to have AIDS handle food and use sharp knives around food. I say everyone in Canada is suicidal because I'm pretty certain that if lawmakers in the US tried pulling that kind of bullshit, everyone here would have a fucking shit fit.

Sheesh. Guess I'm never going to Canada, then, if the food isn't even safe there. I guess they don't think food safety is an important issue when healthcare is free.

Okay, so today I got a rather important-looking manila envelope from the White House. Opened it up, it's a response from George W. Bush to an email I sent to him, I'm thinking from one of those sites that says "OMG ONOEZ HELP US BY SENDING AN EMAIL TO THE PRESIDENT/YOUR REPRESENTATIVE." Which I generally ignore those overly dramatic pleas for help, but occasionally I have a moment of weakness and read them and do the email thing. This response was something about the oceans, apparently whatever I wrote to the Ape of State was something to do with oceans. So the response was about National Ocean Month. I made up the NOMo part of it myself.

This response was written as though it was a personal correspondence from Bush, but it was written by some lackey and stamped with a copy of his signature. Which is just as well, because real Bush cooties would have made me physically ill and I'd have to burn the envelope and the letter to prevent the contamination from spreading. As it is, a simple banishing spell ought to suffice. ("Begone, ye foul demons! *wields a crucifix and garlic at the spam-mail.*")

But now I'm wondering what response I should send back, if any. I'm contemplating sending him a highly-pricked voodoo doll and a paper written in some strange foreign tongue to spook him. But then again, it probably wouldn't get past the lackeys. Ah well.