alex_antonin | Entries tagged with filk

A long, long time ago
I can still remember that earworm song which is so vile
And I knew if I had my chance
That I'd take Don McLean to France
And drag him down the road a mile.

"American Pie," it makes me shiver
Wish I could toss it in a river
Bad news on the doorstep
Don McLean didn't catch strep

I can't remember if I cried
When I heard this agony on my first ride
But something deep inside me died
The day this shit soooong arrived.

So die, die, "American Pie"!
Drive your chevy off a levee once the tide has gone high!
Let them good old boys drown in whiskey and rye,
And may this be the day that you die!

( It keeps going )

Current Mood: cranky
Crossposts: https://alex-antonin.livejournal.com/750576.html

"Veteran of the Retail Wars"
To the tune of "Veteran of the Psychic Wars" by Blue Oyster Cult

You see me now, a veteran of a thousand retail wars
I've been living on the edge so long
Where the winds of layaway roar
And I'm young enough to look at
And far too old to see
All the scars are on the inside

I'm not sure if there's anything left of me

Don't let these sales go on
It's time we had a break from it
It's time we had some holiday leave
We've been living in the lanes
We've been eating up our brains
Oh, please, don't let these sales go on

You ask me why I'm weary
Why I can't speak to you
You blame me for my silence
Say it's time I changed and grew
But the war's still going on, dear
And there's no end that I know
And I can't say if I'll ever...

I can't say if we're ever gonna be free

Don't let these sales go on
It's time we had a break from it
It's time we had some holiday leave
We've been living in the lanes
We've been eating up our brains
Oh, please, don't let these sales go on

You see me now a veteran
Of a thousand retail wars
My energy is spent at last
And my armor is destroyed
I have used up all my sick leave
And I'm helpless and bereaved
Wounds are all I'm made of

Did I hear you say that this is victory?

Don't let these sales go on
It's time we had a break from it
Send me to the breakroom!
Where the tides of madness swell
And been sliding into Hell
Oh, please, don't let these sales go on
Don't let these sales go on
Don't let these sales go on

Crossposts: https://alex-antonin.livejournal.com/725023.html

http://www.cracked.com/article_18601_4-bad-lessons-rudolph-red-nosed-reindeer-teaches-kids.html

Ha! I never liked the Rudolph story or song. Personally, I prefer my own version:

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows.

All of the other reindeer
used to laugh and call him names.
They never let poor Rudolph
join in any reindeer games.

Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say:
"Rudolph with your nose so bright,
won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"

Then Rudolph, he said, "Oh fuck you,
Every one of you assholes!
You teased me and excluded me,
But suddenly you need me, hoes!"

"Well fuck all of that shit, Santa,
I hope your sleigh crashes to Hell!"
Then Rudolph ran off to join a coven
With a goth reindeer named Belle.

Then all the reindeer hated him
as they wept and cried and got sick,
"Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,
you're a real fuckin' prick!"

Or this version:

( Cut )

Current Mood: amused
Crossposts: http://alex-antonin.livejournal.com/142719.html

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⛧ First Church of Hypocrisy, Blasphemy, and Self-Righteousness ⛧

The world's first honest religion

Entries tagged with filk

Die, Die, American Pie

A filk

Rudolph the red nosed reindeer should have told Santa to shove it.

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