⛧ First Church of Hypocrisy, Blasphemy, and Self-Righteousness ⛧

It is impossible, in this format, to express the depths of my furious ⛧ ☠ ⛧ ⛥ ☠ FUCKING ψ ψ ☠ ⛧ ψ abhorrence for Walgreens right now. It used to be a simple matter of logging into my account online and refilling the prescriptions. Neat, simple, tidy. Then that started to more frequently be down for some fucking reason. Annoying, but I could just use the guest refill thing. (Why one works and the other doesn't, I have NO fucking idea.)

Oh, but it gets worse. Because now, pretty much every time I want to refill a prescription, the fucking login system is ALWAYS fucking not working, now. Which, fine, okay, use the guest refill... which manages one RX and not the other. Okay, so we'll call them. Get a robot, of fucking course. No matter, go through the hoops. It understood me, got the right RX, and it--FUCK! It didn't seem to hear my confirmation, it's trying to call a human. I want to BREAK A FUCKING TABLE over someone's head, but I hold it in.

I hang up, try again. Oh what's that? It heard me perfectly well the last time, and STILL put me on hold to a human? We-heh-HELL, fuck me in every single one of my orifaces with a jackhammer and call me She-Hulk!

...all of which would still be just barely tolerable, if not for the fact that the hold music gets interrupted every ⛧ ☠ ⛧ ⛥ ☠ FIFTEEN MOTHER-FUCKING SECONDS ψ ψ ☠ ⛧ ψ for the FUCKING GODDAMNED PIECE OF SHIT COMPUTER VOICE TO TELL ME "wE aPoloGIZe foR THe waiT, bUT oUr staff Is aNSwering OTHer CalLs" like YOU FUCKING GODDAMNED LIAR FIRST OF ALL and SECONDLY, HOLD MUSIC IS TOLERABLE. YOU FUCKING REPEATING THE SAME FUCKING WORDS TO ME EVERY 15 OR 20 SECONDS IS JUST

⛧ ☠ ⛧ ⛥ ☠ FUCK!!! ψ ψ ☠ ⛧ ψ

I want to

⛧ ☠ ⛧ ⛥ ☠ FUCKING MURDER ψ ψ ☠ ⛧ ψ

whatever

⛧ ☠ ⛧ ⛥ ☠ FUCKING IDIOT ψ ψ ☠ ⛧ ψ

thought that was a good idea!

SERIOUSLY! THAT SHIT IS INFURIATING ENOUGH TO MAKE ME WANT TO DOUSE THEIR ENTIRE CALL CENTER IN NAPALM AND LIGHT IT ON FUCKING FIRE!!! WITH EVERYONE TRAPPED INSIDE!!!

...

...

(furious, wind-down sigh)

...

...

(Kalm)

I have what is, by necessity, something that looks very much like a high level of patience about certain things, at least in public. But this kind of nonsense? No matter how much I try to hold it in, this kind of UTTER FUCKING BULLSHIT puts me into a TOWERING RAGE MELTDOWN and it takes EVERY FUCKING OUNCE OF SELF CONTROL to not throw my phone against the fucking wall and scream myself hoarse and pound the walls with my fists until they FUCKING BLEED!!!

Which is why I never do that kind of shit while out and about, like some people do, because I have no interest in attracting the sort of attention that has people calling cops.

In conclusion,



PS = Turns out my doctor had sent in a refill for me already without my knowledge or consent, which according to the person on the other end is common, but it's the first time it's ever fucking happened to me, so I say FUCK THE DOCTOR TOO.

So my GF made a Facebook post that was hard to work out the meaning of because she writes like a cross between a 12 year old and a medieval monk, but which I puzzled out was her saying something along the lines of "The cop who killed Sandra Bland was in the wrong, but she goaded him by being an asshole."

To which I replied: "Oh you'd better not be victiim-blaming Sandra Bland, I will lose my shit if you are."

Then some idiot replied:

Nobody is responsible for what someone else chose to do.

Victim-blaming is saying that what the victim did relieves the attacker of responsibility.

Unless someone goes there, saying that what the victim did was stupid or unwise is not victim-blaming. It may be quite true — after all, it usually takes two to tango, and if the victim chose to escalate the conflict, xie owns what xie put into the pot.

But hir responsibility ends exactly there, unless hir contribution (say, pulling a weapon) really does justify retaliation by the other side. In which case xie can no longer be called a victim.

TO which I said:

Sandra Bland did not "escalate" things. She was pulled over for not signalling, which - as she explained to the officer - she forgot to signal because she was moving out of his way as a good citizen SHOULD do when something with a siren is trying to get past you, and the cocksucking pig was the one who chose to escalate things by picking on a black woman for something minor and stupid.

In the transcripts of the recording made of the incident, Sandra Bland, who was well versed in the law, calmly and clearly asked - repeatedly - why she was being pulled over, and got no clear response. When asked to step out of the vehicle, which there was no reason for him to ask her that, she calmly asked why, and calmly informed the officer of her rights. This did not go over well with the racist pigfucker, though, as he continued to escalate this.

Sandra Bland did not do anything that hundreds of white people have done without incident. When a white person asserts their rights like that, fully sober and calmly, almost always the cops let them go, or else they just give the ticket and move on.

Sandra Bland was targeted by a racist fucking cop, pulled over for a ridiculous reason, and he refused to listen to her when she tried to explain. Then he didn't like being reminded that people have rights (cops rarely do), and proceeded to DRAG her out of the car and beat her.

As if that wasn't enough, she was arrested for no damn good reason, was not even booked, and was being detained illegally. Then she was fucking MURDERED in her cell. Those cells do not have sheets or plastic bags or anything that can be used as a weapon or to hurt oneself, for very good reasons. So the fact that she was found hanging in her cell over a goddamn PARKING TICKET is blatant fucking murder.

Oh, and her supposed mugshot? If you know anything at all about mugshots, you can tell it was taken while she was lying dead on the floor. They only took that picture to cover their own fucking asses, the murdering swine.

Now I do admit maybe you're all ignorant of the facts, after all the mainstream media is a farce run by the racist one-percenters that secretly run this fascist country called the USA, so I will grant that maybe you're only defending those pigfuckers out of ignorance, in which case I am willing to forgive you. So please do some damn research, search black twitter and black tumblr for the truth, don't let the wool be pulled over your eyes.

Racism never died, it just mutated and got more subtle. And denial of racism is one of the subtle ways racism manifests in our society.

Saying racist things, thinking racist thoughts, does not necessarily make you a willful racist in a society that is racist, such as ours. It just means you're got a mental virus called racism that you need to fight.

On the other hand, if you don't seek to purge that racism from your mind, and continue willfully defending said racism, and willfully defending these racist cocksucking murderers, or continue to put ANY of the onus for Sandra Bland's death on her, you are defending racist fucking murderers and you deserve absolutely NO respect from me or anyone else with any compassion.

And that is all I trust myself to say on the matter. The kinds of feelings I have towards racism is the kind of feelings most people have towards people who rape and murder children. So be very glad I was as calm and as rational about this post as I have been, because it took a fuckton of effort to not just start cursing. (And as a Satanist, I do mean literal cursing.)

Then added:

Also, I just want to point out that the dash cam video is very obviously edited, a very poor job indeed seeing as you can actually see cars jump several feet in one second; the pigfuckers obviously edited out the parts that made them look bad.

~

Then she said she wasn't victim blaming, and made a glib comment about me needing more fiber in my diet to control my shit, and so that prompted me to say:

1. How is calling Sandra Bland an asshole NOT victim blaming? I'm really curious to hear your explanation of that.

2. The fact you're being so damn glib means I don't think you understand my feelings about this. I know I'm an angry asshole most of the time, but in all the years you've known me I have NEVER been as angry as I was at your comment. It's bad enough seeing strangers be complete dickwads to murder victims, it's another thing entirely when someone you know and love comes off sounding like a heartless victim blaming asstard. Not saying you ARE any of those things, just that you sound like one in this post. I don't think I could be any angrier unless you were making dead Holocaust baby jokes. It is seriously a testament to my developing self control that I didn't go into a screaming rage last night throwing shit around the room and breaking windows, because I fucking sure as hell wanted to.

3. Because of that, I am going to unsubscribe from the comments, and I strongly suggest you not bring this subject up when we meet, because I don't know how much more abuse my self control can take before I go into a rage, and I would rather not be kicked out of the Powell's.

4. Also, while I have the floor, I would like to point out that I think part of the reason I *didn't* go into a rage was because I wasn't sure I'd deciphered the bizarre way you write (like a cross between a 12 year old and a medieval monk) to have been sure I'd gotten a clear understanding of your words. But judging by your other comments, I did, in fact, interepret your gobbledygook properly.

5. I love you, but you infuriate me right now. Regardless of your intent, you are at least partially excusing this murderer's behavior, which is a lot to me like someone partially excusing the behavior of someone who tortured and murdered a child, and as such it is a goddamn miracle I am this clear headed. I think I may have actually gotten angry enough to flip The Switch (to my emotions) off and then back on again, and the anger I'm feeling right now, while more than I've felt in ages, is the last 97% from the 297% anger your original comment made me feel. And some of the other comments by other people in this post didn't help.

I mean, I do get it; don't poke the angry bear and all that. However, the unspoken implication of the way you worded things implies that it's perfectly normal for angry bears to be the ones in charge of supposedly keeping us safe.

I'm not entirely sure how much of my feelings are rightfully directed at you and how much of them are just undirected rage as provoked by the fucking terror I've felt for black people this past year or so, from all these fucking racist murdering cops getting off scot free. It's fucking LITERAL TERRORISM and I have such a compassionate soul that watching this terrorism, this LITERAL GENOCIDE, hurts my heart to no end, and then to see someone I think of as a good person making a comment that's partially excusing this fucking genocide, well... if you don't get why I'm hurt and pissed off about perceived partial excuses for genocide, then fuck it all.

They say the strongest hate is born from love, and though I'm an introvert, I love humans so much that when they do shit like this to one another I just want to fucking nuke the entire species and start over with like sentient bunnies or something. And it just fucking hurts and pisses me off I can't stop the bullshit, and all I can do is stand and watch as people whose lives are not affected by it stand by and make stupid comments and jokes and shit ...f.e.klfe.kfkkfek.

And now I've probably said too much or not enough and my reason is slipping so I'm just going to stop now. I will be unsubscribing from the comments to this post, so I won't see any responses, so don't effing bother responding. At this point I';m so incoherent with rage I don't know if i can even... no, fuck, losing abiloty speak.

~

Seriously, I have not been this fucking PISSED in YEARS.

The person this poem is aimed at will likely never see it. It is not aimed at anyone currently in my life in any way, even though they are still alive. You may guess who it is all you like, but whoever you guess, you're probably wrong.

“Venom”
By = Alexander Antonin

Oh you're so hurt, poor little babe,
In so much turmoil, emotional pain!
You weep in pain and scream in rage,
Or so says the FUCKING phage!

You came in uninvited, a fucking mistake,
One that somebody should have fucking ERASED!
You ruined our lives, you soulless damned maggot,
Then had the audacity to call me a faggot!

Our home was once so peaceful and calm,
And then you, fucking filth, came on along!
So innocent-looking, you came into our life,
And began, shortly after, to fill it with strife!

Before you came, my life wasn't great,
All day long I received abuse and hate.
But then I'd go home to be safe and at peace,
At least until you showed up, you worthless beast!

Every day was a war, bombs falling left and right,
And once you came along, no sanctuary in sight!
I fought you, I did, since no one else would,
And now I wish I'd got you good!

We locked horns and battled for years,
Then when it looked like I'd win, you broke out in tears;
Played the victim, and I got the boot,
Gods how I wish I'd stabbed your damned foot!

You kept playing it up, fucking liar from Hell,
Got out the razors, did “emo” so well!
Blamed me for everything, when I'd only fought to survive,
Gods how I wish you were no longer alive!

You went 'cross the street, not down the lane,
Here, let me help you try it again!
Your lame-ass suicide attempt was faker than fake,
I hope you go drown in a fucking lake!

Now you have the balls to say you hate me?
The feeling it mutual, I fucking assure thee.
Manipulative, worthless, puddle of radioactive slime,
I wouldn't save your life even to save mine!

You're a waste of resources, and - let me be crass,
You're a festering sore on humanity's ass!
I don't care how wonderful others say you've been,
If you were on fire, I'd add gasoline!

I wish the venom for you that I feel
Could be a physical thing so fucking real,
So I could spit it in your eyes and watch them boil,
To thank you for a life of rage and turmoil!

So fuck you very much, you tower of ire,
I hope you die screaming in a horrible fire!
It's too bad Hell's on earth, you festering puddle of spew,
Because burning for eternity would be TOO GOOD FOR YOU!